This episode is a conversation with Ryan Guardino about taking the long way to baseball in Japan, and what happens when the side quest quietly becomes the main quest. Culture, teammates, language, eephus pitches, and the strange turns baseball takes when you keep saying yes.
Naturally, I turned parts of the conversation into some images. Enjoy my brain.
DESK JOCKEY
This is exactly what I pictured when Ryan mentioned the desk-job timeline. Before he left America, he was batting .417 in Emails Answered Above Replacement with a career-high 94.6% KPI Compliance Rate 🔴. Absolutely disgusting numbers, and he DFAs himself from corporate still. If he didn’t go to Japan, this would be the saddest timeline.
LEVEL UP
The side quest became the main quest. Ryan isn't exploring the map anymore- he's on the mission. Quest Commitment+ is 98th percentile, Fast Travel Availability is 125, and Japan Difficulty Multiplier is set to LEGENDARY. The build makes absolutely no sense on paper. Press X to continue.
THE EEPHUS
Ryan is the hitter. Pitch enters the zone at approximately 80.5 km/h, creating a catastrophic timing differential and a Hitter Processing Delay (HPD+) of 217. Ryan does not swing. Advanced models classify the result as “Bro, what the f*** was that?”
THE TROPHY
In a world… where one man traveled 6,000 miles to play baseball… he discovered teammates, a new language, unfamiliar fields- and eventually, hardware. Critics are calling it “statistically improbable” and “way too expensive to shoot on location.” This summer: RYAN.
MR. RADAR
“I’ve lost the bleeps, I’ve lost the sweeps, and I’ve lost the creeps.” An homage to one of my favorite movies, from one of my favorite directors- and honestly, a perfect baseball metaphor. Sometimes you lose the feel, you’re half a step late, and your internal radar couldn’t locate a beach ball. SYSTEM STATUS: F*** AROUND WITH THE MECHANICS UNTIL THE BLEEPS ARE FOUND.
The Main quest needs the right equipment. Grab a Chandler Bat and use my code CHRISTOPHE30077 for 10% off. ⚾️
Need your baseball story told differently? Photos, video, interviews, weird ideas—I’m probably already thinking about it. Let’s work. DM or email: crod@9inningnomad.com
